Operation: Masquerade
by WritetotheDeath
Summary: Erik has been kidnapped! It's up the the agents of PHAN to find him and his other incarnations before it's too late and all traces of Phantom are erased from the world!
1. The Mission

**"ATTENTION ALL PHANS! This is a Red Alert! Code Red! Level Red! The colour is RED! RED RED RED! Getting the picture yet! Red emergency! RED!**

We have a… serious situation on our hands. I call to order a meeting of all PHANS. Our most beloved Phantom of the Opera, the Opera Ghost, the Trapdoor Lover (goddamn why are there so many names for everything?), Erik… has been kidnapped by hostile members of the group we know as CRITICS and is being held to ransom.

The demands are that we round up all incarnations of Erik and turn them in to the CRITICS. Failure to meet these demands will result in the Original Erik's extermination, and consequently all traces of Phantom will be erased from history. In short, he will have ceased to exist! We will no longer be PHANS, because there will be nothing to be a "PHAN" of. The songs won't exist… none of the movies… books… fanfiction… websites… see what I mean? This is not good!

Therefore, we propose this: Teams of agents will be sent in threes to locate each incarnation of Erik and bring him back to HQ. Obviously you will be taking him right in the middle of the story, so he will not come easily. You will have to convince (or kidnap) him away from his Christine and bring him here to be kept safely while we decide what is to be done in order to retrieve the original Erik.

We have compiled a list of essential Eriks that must be recruited:

**1. Andrew Lloyd Webber Current Stage Version.**

**2. ALW Movie Version.**

**3. ALW Original Stage Version.**

**4. Lon Chaney Version.**

**5. Susan Kay Version.**

**6. Robert Englund Version.**

**7. Charles Dance Version.**

**8. Julian Sands Version.**

Obviously this is not the full list or we'd be here too long and this would probably get booted off the site for being "a list".

In addition to this a small team of agents will be sent into the Original Book story to a) interview characters as to what they may have seen/heard and b) to comb the house on the lake for evidence.

Each Agent will be provided with:

**An appropriate period costume.**

**An individual weapon (where you hide it is your business).**

**A flashlight (for those dark tunnels).**

(You are also advised to bring along your copy of the original novel as a means of convincing your respective Erik incarnation to come along with you.)

Your field research will include watching/reading the appropriate version of the story. (Our hearts go out to whoever is going after the Julian Sands Version).

Obviously, you will be expected to behave accordingly in the time period. You are not to draw the attention of the public to our organisation in any way. Nor are Agents permitted to interfere in the story in any way. Some of you may be required to interact with other characters from the story in order to find your way, but you must use extreme caution in such situations, in case the story is in any way disrupted.

**THIS ORGANISATION WILL NOT TOLERATE FOP-KILLING, CARLOTTA-KILLING, CHRISTINE-BEATING, ATTEMPTS TO INTEGRATE ONESELF INTO THE PHANTOM STORY OR CONVINCE CHARACTERS TO WANDER OFF WITH SOMEONE ELSE.**

This operation will be known as "Operation: MASQUERADE".

Are there any questions?"

At the back, someone raised their hand.

"Yes?"

"Can I wear my Phantom T-shirt?"

There was a long pause.

"No."

* * *

Okay... you might have guessed this is going to be a bit different from my last fic. Completely different, in fact... and not to be taken seriously in any way. Basically this first chapter is to see how much interest there would be in this idea (how many of you would like to go after an Erik!) Just tell me (in review or e-mail) which Erik you want to collect or if you want to help investigate the kidnapping of Original Erik. Don't forget it's only three people per mission (maybe more for the investigation) so it's "first come, first served". I'll try and include everyone (even if you're just helping at HQ).

Bye for now!


	2. I Love Government Funding!

Hello... first proper chapter is up! Sorry it's short... the actual missions will be longer than this. Enjoy!

* * *

At PHAN HQ, there was no state of panic mainly because, at this point, the agents had gone far beyond mere panic. They ran around like beheaded chickenswith fireworks up their backsides, documents were flying everywhere like snow, and a couple of Agents, locked in mutual despair, were trying to forcibly imprint the score to The Phantom of the Opera musical on their brains. At least one person had gone insane and was now gabbling various lines from the movies.

To an observer, it might have looked quite funny.

"Get me that report!" Shouted a voice over the throng.

_"Only love and music are forever!"_

"Can I get some volunteers here?"

"Where are those costume designs?"

"_You alone can make my song take flight!_"

"Have you drawn up that list yet?"

"Will all Field Agents please report to the Dungeon Room?"

_"I'm not a Phantom… I'm a – "_

"Oh for god's sake, will someone get her out of here!"

At this point two PHANS appeared and dragged the poor insane girl away. She was last heard shrieking the high notes of "The Phantom of the Opera" song, at which point they shot her with a tranquilizer dart and put her in a padded, sound-proof room.

The one in charge, known as The Organiser (get it? ORGANiser? ORGAN? Oh, whatever…) was throttling her secretary when the report that she should have had five minutes ago was brought.

"Finally," she said, taking it quickly. It was an inventory of their resources, and she scanned it quickly. There was a pause. "Is this it?" she asked the girl who had brought it.

"Well…" the girl shifted her feet nervously, trying to think of some way to pacify the boss. "We have multiple amounts of just about everything."

"I wanted a weapons inventory! This is a list of Phantom Memorabilia! Look at this… a Phantom of the Opera fridge magnet?"

"It was a limited edition," the girl volunteered.

The Organiser's stare could have bent steel bars into pretzel-shapes. "And this is going to help us in the fight against CRITICS is it?" The girl faltered. "And I suppose you expect our agents to tackle covert operations with programs from the original musical showing? And defeat enemies by sticking them with Phantom brooch pins?"

"We do have Punjab Lasso replicas."

"And how many of us actually know how to use them?"

The secretary, who had struggled to her feet and could now breathe properly, raised a hand. "I suppose if we got them all tied up we could get information from them by threatening to show the Dario Argento film." At this her boss, and everyone else within earshot, shuddered. "I am sorry…" she went on. "But you do remember it was you who confiscated all the major offensive weapons after that nasty incident with the fop-supporters."

The Organiser grudgingly conceded the point. It had taken several months to remove the bloods stains after that little mix up. A group of Raoul fans had accidentally walked in on them. As it turned out, they took the phrase "die-hard fan" a little too seriously.

"Well… we'll just have to improvise," she said at last and quickly changed the subject. "Do we have the blue-prints for the time-machine? I want to start sending Agents in as soon as possible."

The secretary nodded, and rushed off to find them. Sighing, The Organiser looked back at the stack of forms on her desk. Managing lots of crazed Phantom 'Phans' was a tough job. Just last week they had been sent in to deal with an extremely serious case of "Ph-syndrome". A rather serious strain of the disease had been found in a school, and the teachers were going spare over the fact that 16 years of English lessons were now being forgotten in favour of substituting 'f' for 'ph'. The kids' grades had taken a hard knock as a result.

Right now she would have welcomed an epidemic of "Ph-syndrome".

"Somebody get me some coffee!"

There was a general scuffle and a few minutes later a cup was placed in front of her. She stared down at it.

"What the hell is this?"

"Russian tea?"

"I ordered bloody coffee!"

A helpless shrug was the only reply. The Organiser, realising that some things you just couldn't do anything about, poked at the lemon slice with her spoon.

"I got the blueprints!"

"Finally!"

They were carefully laid out in front of her. It wasn't just the blueprints for a time-travelling machine but also a teleporter, since they didn't need to go back in time to collect the latest stage version, but they did need to get to London quickly, and it was cheaper than paying for petrol.

"It's amazing what you can do with government funding," she said with a grin.

"The time machine is already finished. The teleporter should be ready by tomorrow."

"We don't have time to wait until tomorrow!"

"Well… we do have a backup plan."

"Which is?"

Three pieces of paper were handed over.

"Train tickets?"

"Well… it's cheaper than petrol… and more environmentally friendly."

"They're not even first-class!"

"We didn't exactly have much money left after the time-travelling machine and the teleporter."

The Organiser clenched her teeth irritably. Suddenly she felt the government didn't give their organisation ENOUGH funds, considering what a valuable and essential service they provided.

"Well… anyway, let's move on. To…"

"Excuse me, Miss," said the secretary. "You're being paged to a board meeting."

"No peace for the fanatical," she grumbled. "Okay… do we have any teams ready to be dispatched? As long as we've got one sent off I can tell them we're making progress."

"Umm… I believe a team is assembled and prepared to go after the Webber Movie version."

"The Gerry Butler version?"

"That's right."

At this point, everyone took a moment to sigh, tilt their heads and stare off into the distance with a faraway look in their eyes. One or two drooled. It was a perfectly choreographed moment, and you could tell they were used to doing it.

"Okay… moment of wistful longing over," the Organiser said, bringing them all back to reality. "Get that team equipped and sent off immediately. Are they capable?"

The secretary, who for a moment had thought she was off the hook, went rigid. "Erm… capable?"

"Will they get the job done?"

There was a nervous exchange of glances between the various sub-ordinates and the secretary swallowed anxiously. She took stock in the truth: "I'm… sure they'll do everything in their power to get their hands on him."

The Organiser thought about this. She knew her PHANS… "As long as he comes back in one piece and un-traumatised."

"I'll pass that on."

There was another moment of contemplation.

"It wouldn't be a great tragedy if he was shirtless."

They all nodded in enthusiastic agreement.

* * *

Hey guys! I hope you found it funny. I'm glad there was enough interest in this idea. So far it's just the Webber movie with a full team (you'll see what happens to them in the next chapter, hehe). I've still got 1 space on Current Stage Version, 1 left for the Susan Kay Version and 2 spaces for the Julian Sands Version. The rest still have all the spaces free. 


	3. Spontaneous Musical Outbursts

Here we go. Please bear in mind (if you find yourself mentioned) that I don't really know any of you so don't expect to be totally yourselves, okay?I do my best though. Please enjoy!

* * *

The secretary who had been left in temporary charge of the first team, clutched her clipboard and approached the three Agents, who were chatting eagerly amongst themselves, and being stared at enviously by everyone else. They appeared normal enough, but they weren't members of PHAN for nothing. The words "Approach with Caution", would have been appropriate.

"Erm… can I have your names please?"

The three saluted simultaneously.

"Rikku Ree, Team Leader!" said the first one promptly.

"Yami369!"

"ThePenguinAteMyHomework!"

The secretary nodded. _At least they're enthusiastic_, she thought to herself, and then realised that this was not necessarily a good thing (especially for Erik). "Okay… you know what you've got to do?"

"Yes!"

"You've got all your personal supplies?"

"Yes!"

The secretary winced. These three were a little too synchronised in their crazy, obsessive enthusiasm. She wondered what they would do to the Phantom when they found him… or what the Phantom might be forced to do to them. In fact… it had been a major problem with the department, who understood the risks of sending obsessed PHANS to collect the emotionally-unstable, potentially violent man they all loved so much… but were worried about the potential legal costs to families and loves ones.

They had eventually solved the problem with the statement: "Hey, they all WANT to do this."

"Okay… can you all follow me to the time-machine."

"How exactly does this work?" Rikku Ree asked as the walked down the hall. "We're going into a movie, aren't we?"

"A movie reality…" the secretary explained. "But you still have to go back in time. We just program it to time travel and jump realities at the same time."

"So…let me get this straight. We're going to be getting in a time-travelling, dimension-hopping, entering-movie reality machine to fetch the movie version of Phantom of the Opera?"

"That's right."

"Oh… cool!"

"Do we get phaser guns too?" Yami asked.

"You're going into the past, not the future!"

"Fair enough. But how are we going to explain a huge bit of 21st century technology suddenly appearing in the middle of 19th century Paris?"

The secretary sighed. "The machine has a cloaking device so all you have to do is press a button and it'll automatically transform itself into a basket of roses."

The three Agents frowned. "Why a basket of roses?"

There was a pause. "Because we… like roses."

And that was the end of that discussion.

At the end of a long corridor the three Agents were directed into a small changing room, where they were instructed to put on one of the costumes laid out. The secretary left them to it, only to return 10 seconds later to prevent a fight over who was going to have the nicest dress. When they finally, and in some cases sulkily, stood in their period outfits, they were ushered into the next room to collect bags, which contained their provisions.

"Now… let's get you on your way."

And so they were led to the time machine. The door opened (appropriately in slow-motion) to reveal their transport. It had an eerily familiar look to it, and was a lot smaller than the grand slow-motion door-opening had indicated. Some one had also draped a "We Love Gerry Phantom!" sign over it, which two scientist were arguing over the practicality of.

The machine was really familiar-looking…

"Alright, in you get."

They got in, with a great deal of pushing and shoving. The bustles on the backs of their dresses didn't do much to help, and it was quite a squish to get inside the pod. But they managed it finally, and the door shut behind them. Over a little speaker set into the wall, they heard the secretary still talking to them.

"Now, when you want to come home, just press the 'RETURN' button on the keypad. It's programmed to come right back here when you're finished, so it should work fine."

All three Agents duly noted the use of the word 'should', and the atmosphere in the little pod grew a little tenser. "Did it just occur to anyone to ask if they've tested this thing?" Yami asked suddenly. She looked at the other two. Rikku looked decidedly uncomfortable. Penguin merely looked thoughtful. The familiarity of the machine was bugging her.

_Bugging…_

A countdown had begun outside.

"Five."

"Has anyone ever seen that film?" Penguin asked.

"Four."

"What film?"

"Three."

"_The Fly_?"

"Two."

Silence.

"One."

The sound that the time-machine made (if you were able to hear it over the screams of the Agents) _should _have been something terribly impressive, ideally accompanied by a spectacular light show as it was sucked into the time-stream. Unfortunately, budget cuts had taken effect here as well, and the sound it made was actually ripped from a mobile phone owned by one of the scientists.

The time-machine hurtled into the past, to the tune of "The Entertainer."

* * *

They arrived with a stomach-lurching jolt, which made all Three of the Agents glad they had been too excited to eat before they left. They felt dizzy enough as it was. They had peered out the tiny window of the pod and caught a glimpse of the mutli-coloured time-vortex, which had about as much order to it as a herd of elephants having a party in a paint shop. 

"Are we there?" Penguin asked finally, looking a little pale.

"More importantly… do we still look human?"

"Don't be stupid… you'd change gradually, like in the movie."

"Will you stop talking about that movie! You're freaking me out."

"Sorry."

"Open the door… they didn't put air-conditioning in here."

The door slid open with a hiss and the three Agents gradually negotiated themselves and their dresses out into the open. It was dark, and they were very clearly not where they had set off from. There was a distinct scent in the air.

Yami smiled. "I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." The other two glared at her, and she shrugged. "Oh come on… someone had to say it."

Shaking her head, Rikku stepped forward and down the alley. She was trying to think of where they had ended up. There was a soft sound, behind her.

"Oh, horse shit."

Rikku turned round and looked at Penguin. "You can't talk like that here," she reminded her. "Women didn't say 'horse shit' in 19th century Paris."

"Not even when they stood in it?"

Finally Rikku noticed the small mound by Penguin's feet and made a face. At least that told them where they were – the stables behind the Opera house. Apparently they had landed in some little hidden alcove. Hidden enough for them not to bother cleaning it much. She stepped over a small pile of manure, hitching up her skirt in an instinctive show of daintiness.

"Well… at least we don't have to worry about asking for directions."

"Do you think… if we did… we'd have to ask in French?" Yami asked.

"Why? No one spoke French in the movie except when they said 'monsieur' and 'mademoiselle', and that really doesn't count."

"That's convenient."

Without another thought and an eager glance at each other, they set off into the Opera House by the back entrance. It was a good thing they had done their field research (extensively so… they'd even watched the 'making of' feature on the DVD several times), because the place was huge and, although they didn't have a map, at least they could recognise certain areas. As they walked… they made a plan.

Well… they tried to.

"So… what's the plan?"

"Don't you have one?"

"I thought the Team Leader was supposed to come up with the plans?"

"Well… I suppose we could figure out what point in the movie we're at. Remember… we've got to get hold of Gerik before the end… which means we've got just over two hours."

"Don't we have months?" Yami asked. "Or don't we count the time in the film where we don't see what's happened?"

Rikku shrugged. "I don't know… we'll find out."

Once again, after deep contemplation, Penguin spoke up. "Does this mean we might get to find out what happened to Christine's stockings?"

The other two looked at her, until the meaning behind the words sank in and they brightened considerably at the idea. Many PHANS had wondered what happened to Christine's stockings between "Music of the Night" and "Stranger That You Dream It." "Yes!" Rikku exclaimed, clearly delighted. "Finally… we get to answer the question that's plagued PHANs ever since the movie came out. Even more important than the 'what was Christine thinking when she left Erik?' question."

"She _wasn't_ thinking," Yami pointed out, demonstrating the view-point held by all true Erik-lovers.

"Well, that goes without saying."

"I just thought of something else."

Rikku and Yami turned to look at Penguin, whose thoughts so far had ranged from the insightful to the insane. Whatever she was about to say, it was bound to be interesting.

"You know this is a movie…"

They nodded.

"But it's also a musical…"

"Yeah?"

"So… does that mean we might start spontaneously bursting into song as well?" The other two Agents stared at her in mute horror. "I mean… it is a musical… it happens all the time."

"God I hope not," Rikku said with a shudder. "We'll just have to stop ourselves whenever we get the urge to… you know… burst into song."

"But how will we know?"

"Oh, the moment will just seize you… music is like that… music is like an eagle. It'll swoop down upon you and capture your heart. It'll pierce your soul like a feathery dart."

As you might have guessed, Rikku Ree, Team Leader of Operation: Gerik, has just been bitten by the musical bug. The moment that little speech began there was heard, from nowhere in particular, the sound of an orchestra and lots of violins striking up into a merry tune celebrating the wonder of music. It took her fellow Agents a few seconds to recover from the shock before they finally grabbed their leader and covered her mouth with their hands. The orchestra was abruptly silenced.

There was a long, uncomfortable pause, until they worked up the courage to let her speak.

"Did I really just… burst into song?"

They nodded.

"With a full orchestra backing me up?"

They nodded.

"Thank you for stopping me."

They released her, and made a solemn pledge that, if any of them even looked like they were going to burst into song, the other two would gag her for the rest of the mission. Then they set off again through the Opera House.

They all jumped simultaneously when they heard the sound of an orchestra, and looked accusingly at each other to see who was going to burst into song (or, worse, if it was going to be some kind of trio, with synchronised dancing). As it turned out, it was not them, but the actual Opera orchestra that was playing. And they recognised the tune.

"We made it in time for the gala performance then," Rikku noted.

"Ooh… wouldn't it be great if we could get her autograph?"

"Sod the autograph! I'm gonna try and get that dress off her! How much do you think it'd go for?"

Rikku held up her hands. "Guys! That is not why we're here! We need to find Erik."

They paused, and as they considered this matter, the strains of "Think of Me" rang out nearby. They knew that, at this point, Erik would be in the catacombs somewhere beneath the stage, listening to Christine sing, and so it was unanimously agreed that they should head down there as quickly as possible. The question was… how?

"Let's try and find her dressing room."

It took them awhile. The specifics of the room's whereabouts were a little sketchy. They guessed that it might be a good idea to simply look for the most expensive room in the place. It was only because Penguin caught sight of someone rushing off with a big basket of flowers that they actually found the room.

They slipped inside when no one was looking, but they were starting to panic. The performance had finished and they knew it was only a matter of time before Christine finished singing "Angel of Music" and showed up with Madame Giry.

There was a gasp.

"Look!" Yami exclaimed, momentarily distracted from the mission. She picked up a rose with a very distinctive black ribbon tied around it. The others crowded over to coo over the Phantom's present to Christine.

"Do you think we could…?" Penguin suggested wistfully.

It was certainly tempting. The rose would be a valuable addition to the Agency's Phantom Collection. It took them a good few minutes to summon up the willpower to say 'no, they were not allowed'. But they were all noticeably gloomier afterwards… despising the company policy of 'not messing with the natural course of things'.

Besides… maybe they could come back for it later.

Now the three of them approached the mirror. It looked like any other mirror, apart from its huge size. But they knew different, and began looking around the edges for some way to slide it across. The sounds outside the room were making them nervous… they didn't have much time left.

"Damnit!" Rikku cursed under her breath when they could still find nothing. "We're going to get caught."

"Wait, I've got an idea!"

With this, Yami rushed to the opposite side of the room, to the bewilderment of her fellows. It had suddenly occurred to her that this was, as Penguin had pointed out earlier, a movie… AND a musical on top of that. There were certain rules in movies and musicals which might bend reality just enough to be used to their advantage here.

As they watched her turn back to the mirror, the others saw Yami's expression go wide-eyed. Her mouth opened slightly and her head tilted. She began to walk forwards, moving as if someone had pressed 'slow-motion' on the remote-control of reality.

"I think she's lost it," Rikku said, eyeing the gormless expression warily, until quite suddenly she was interrupted by the sound of an orchestra (conveniently playing a variation of the "Angel of Music" theme) and the appearance of mist, which had begun to fill up from behind the mirror. As if under some silent command, the door began to slide open as Yami, still wearing that awe-struck heroine expression on her face, moved closer. By the time she had reached the mirror, it was fully open, and they could all step through.

"That was brilliant!" Penguin said as Yami returned to normal and they watched the mirror-door slide back in place. She gave a theatrical curtsey and grinned.

"Thank you… I'm here all week!"

At that exact moment, they saw Madame Giry enter with Christine. They watched enviously as Christine was handed the rose they had just been eyeing. Rikku stuck her tongue out in frustration.

"Lucky cow," she muttered.

"I just thought…" Penguin began. Then she stopped and, under the gaze of the other two, shook her head. "Never mind."

What she'd been about to comment on (and wisely resisted) was why exactly the Phantom had decided to put in the two-way mirror in the Diva's dressing room long before Christine had ever used the room. How exactly had he been spying on before Christine showed up? It was a question they would rather not have thought about. The potential peeping-tom aspect of Erik's character was something studiously ignored by many PHANS.

They headed down, remembering the way as shown in the movie. Of course, their journey was far less dramatic, although some creepy music did play in the background as they walked. Their flashlights came in useful here, since none of the lanterns had been lit yet. But they weren't about to let that stop them and kept on going, whispering about the film as they went and relishing the fact that they were walking through it. They even found the horse, which was already tied up and ready to go for the big descent-into-the-lair sequence only a few minutes away. They fussed over it, and toyed with the idea of loosening the saddle so Christine would 'accidentally' fall off… before moving on.

"The boat!"

Yes… at last, they'd found the boat, floating on the mist-covered river that led to the lair. The yellow lantern swung gently from side to side as the water lapped at the sides, and cast eerie shadows down the dark tunnels. The thought of what lay beyond those passageways was just too inviting. They were all about to rush to get in the boat when Rikku stopped them.

"We can't take the boat. Erik and Christine need it."

"So what do we do? Swim?" Yami asked, pointing to the water. "In that?"

"Probably wade, really," Penguin commented, although she too was wrinkling her nose at the prospect. The water had a very dirty tinge to it, and she'd already suffered the indignity of standing in horse manure. "Erik's such a genius… you'd think he'd have a spare."

"Why? It's not like he's expecting us."

"Just in case?"

"In case what?" Rikku snapped. "He gets a couple of guests round for afternoon tea? He's the Phantom of the Opera, not some country lord."

"I'd love to live in a country house with Erik," Penguin said wistfully.

"Wouldn't we all? Come on… we've got to get to the lair, otherwise Erik and Christine are going to appear."

"Won't the entrance be locked? That big gate will be in front of it?" Yami pointed out.

"Then we'll just have to hide and sneak in when the boat does," Rikku said firmly. "There's no way I'm going to miss "Music of the Night"!"

Immediately, without any further discussion, they all jumped into the water and were wading through it. It was true… some things you just couldn't say no to, and they couldn't wait to get back and boast to the other Agents that they got to see Gerry Phantom in action. It was a good thing the water wasn't particularly deep, although they had to hoist their supplies over their heads to stop them getting wet.

"You sure you know the way?" Yami whispered to Rikku, who was leading the way. staring around at the eerie stone faces that gazed down at the three of them.

"Look… if the fop could find his way to the lair, so can we!"

That was true, and soon they found the lair and had huddled themselves, wet and shivering, into a dark corner nearby, to await the arrival of the little boat and its two occupants. The space was small, and they three Agents were squished together uncomfortably. Their excitement was not helping matters.

"Stop fidgeting!"

"Move your elbow!"

"Ow! That was my foot!"

Finally, they settled down, and there was silence, punctuated only by the typical, monotonous sound of dripping water (why there was only one drip in the entire place was a mystery, considering where they were, but it was a movie, after all). Yami sighed impatiently and bobbed up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Come on, Gerry…" she whispered under her breath.

And at that precise moment they hear what they had been waiting for in the distance. The rock and roll sound of the music and voices, and it took every ounce of inner strength for them not to squeal in unison.

"He's coming!"

"Ssh!"

In the distance, two voices were singing out, and, as they watched, the boat appeared from around the last bend in the underground river. There was Christine, sitting at the front and singing, but they weren't paying her the least bit of attention. They were only focused on the dark figure behind her, pushing the boat with a long black pole as he sang with the girl.

The three agents looked at each other, and grinned. Just as the boat came sweeping past them and into the lair they all, as one, sang very quietly along with the back-up voices:

"He's there… the Phantom of the Opera."

* * *

There you go. The first half of the first mission. I hope it was okay... and you found it funny. Please keep the reviews coming in so I know to keep going. Thank you! 


	4. Angels of Incoherent Mumbling

The boat slipped under the raised gate to the sound of an electric guitar, and as Christine began to sing her high notes, Rikku nudged her companions and pointed to a darkened corner. They nodded and slipped into the water, swimming as quickly as possible. It was lucky that the singers were far too occupied with each other to even notice the intruders. Christine was concentrating on hitting the high notes in a manner that wouldn't cause the ceiling to cave in. Erik, on the other hand, seemingly unaware of the belief that it is not very motivational to yell at your pupils, was shouting out his "Sing for me!" line.

The Agents made it to their new hide-e-hole and shrank back in the darkness. They were unbelievably still, waiting with great anticipation for the next song to come. As they watched, The Phantom stepped out of the boat, and there was a moment of silence as he removed his cape.

"Ooh… I'm getting chills," Yami whispered quietly. The others quickly hushed her.

They watched in mute awe as the entire "Music of the Night" sequence unfolded. They didn't have the benefit of close-ups and revealing angles, but they were in no position to care. They were in the Phantom's lair, watching him sing to Christine, who was enjoying it (nearly) as much as they were. It was a good thing they still had some will-power left… or the scene we saw in the movie might have been quite different.

It was over far too quickly, and they watched Erik leading Christine up to the little alcove where the replica doll of her was hidden. All three tensed up. They might not have liked Christine… they might have wanted to keep the Phantom all to themselves, but neither did they want Erik to do something so stupid. I mean, come on… if this is Erik: "Hmm… I just kidnapped this girl I'm madly in love with, she's just found out I'm the 'ghost' terrorising the Opera… should I show her the full extent of my obsession by revealing this doll that looks EXACTLY like her?" then surely anyone with a brain cell would have worked out that maybe it wasn't such a brilliant idea.

The part of the Agents that hated Christine didn't care much. But the part of them that didn't want Erik to ruin the perfect moment was having a hard time keeping quiet. So… thank god for that "no interference" policy. They watched as Christine fainted in Erik's arms and he carried her through to the bedroom, his voice fading a little as he moved away.

"What would you give to be Christine right now?" Penguin asked in a reflective tone as she gazed after him.

"Apart from my soul?" Rikku asked with a grin. She was already edging out of the hiding place as the final, notes of the song played softly in the atmosphere. In the open, she had a much better opportunity to appreciate the lair. She could quite happily have lived down here… although the thought of what kind of bathing facilities Erik had made her think twice. On the other hand… he always looked so smart and clean. He couldn't just fall out of bed like that.

Ooh… now there was a thought.

Cautiously, they made their way further across, towards the opening of the bedroom. They weren't sure when Erik was going to come out, or if he might just stand there for hours on end watching Christine sleep. Unfortunately, just as they stepped up to the opening, HE stepped out of it, and met them faces to half-covered face.

There was a long, shocked pause. No one seemed to know what to say. Finally Penguin struggled to speak, but in her happiness at seeing Erik, only managed to make a sound that would probably be written like this:

"Wooaaggrreephhanflaou."

Erik stared at her and then seemed to break out of his shock. The exposed side of his face, paler than usual, contorted into an expression of intense anger.

"What are you doing in my home?"

All three of the Agents shivered. Erik, assuming (incorrectly) that they did so out of fear, took a step closer, looking menacing.

"Do you know what I do to those who trespass here?"

They nodded in unison. A little taken aback, he tried again.

"Do you know who I am?"

Once again, their only reaction was to nod, and Erik was temporarily stumped. These… women, did not look in the least bit afraid. In fact he was beginning to come under the impression that he was the one who should be worried (which he was, although he was far too proud to admit the fact). They were staring at him with wide-eyed wonder… and one of them was drooling. He began looking around for a suitable weapon.

In the meantime, Rikku finally trusted herself enough to speak in more than awe-struck mumbles and said: "Um… hello."

It was hardly the most impressive way to introduce oneself to the Phantom of the Opera. He stared at her and wondered if she was perhaps mocking him. He had no time for useless girls wanting to stare at him like he was still that helpless boy, locked up in a cage.

He glared. He was good at glaring.

"Get out."

Yami, realising just how upset he was, managed to shake off her daze. "Sorry, we can't."

"Get out now!" he shouted, advancing quickly. He wasn't really intent on killing them. He wasn't a lady-killer (well…according to one definition anyway). All he wanted to do was frighten them enough to send them running away and make them forget what they had seen. It was disconcerting, therefore, that he only succeeded in running straight into them when they didn't move.

Not surprisingly, this was exactly what the Agents had been planning on. They gripped his arms and Rikku, who had been standing right in front of him, managed to get him in a bear hug.

"Oh, he's so warm," she said, giving him a squeeze.

"And muscular," Penguin said, hanging onto his arm tightly. Panicking, Erik desperately tried to pull himself free, but given who he was dealing with he didn't have much chance. The Agents swarmed over him, and the moment he tried to run Yami grabbed his legs, which caused him to lose his balance, sending all of them crashing to the floor.

"Oh, I could die quite happily right now," said Rikku, who was now lying underneath him.

But Erik managed to struggle back up to his feet at last, spurred by the worry of what Christine might have to say about seeing him like this is she woke up. It might poke holes in his "you alone can make my song take flight" strategy. He disentangled his legs from Yami, but no amount of shaking could dislodge Penguin. But he kept trying.

"What in hell are you doing! Get away from me!" he shouted, his voice filled with panic. The girls were getting to their feet and he was afraid they might come at him again.

"It's okay," Yami said finally, helping Rikku to her feet. "We're not going to hurt you."

"Your actions would suggest otherwise," he growled, feeling his arm started to go numb from Penguin's grip. She looked up at him with a disturbingly cheery smile.

"We're just so happy to see you!"

"Happy?"

"Well…maybe that's a bit of an understatement."

Erik shook his head in disbelief. Why in the world would these women, whom he had never seen before in his life, be 'happy' to see him? Who were they? What did they want? Were they insane?

Well… the answer to the last one seemed obvious enough.

"Listen…" Rikku said, unsure of the best way to put their situation. "We… we kind of… sort of… need you to come with us."

He stared at her with a look that clearly said "you must be joking".

"Like… right now."

The look didn't change.

Yami sighed. "It's a bit hard for us to explain but… it's very important."

Erik still looked a little disbelieving, but at least he wasn't trying to run away anymore, although this could have been because Penguin was still clinging to his arm in a manner that suggested he would have to amputate the limb if he did want to escape. He stared at her. She smiled up at him and, to his amazement, nuzzled against his bicep. He looked at the other two, who were also smiling at him. He'd never been the focus of quite this much enthralled attention… but he was starting to think he might get used to it.

"No," he shook his head firmly, remembering himself. "Whoever you are, I don't care and I want you out. Your problems have nothing to do with me."

"Oh, you couldn't be more wrong," Rikku said with a grim look.

His eyes narrowed. "Is that a threat?"

All three girls instantly protested. "No, no! Not at all," Yami said. "But there's someone else who's a danger to you. And we have to get you somewhere safe."

"Safe?" The Phantom scoffed loudly. "There is no place safer than here. No one can find me down here in my lair."

"We did," Penguin pointed out with a delighted giggle.

"Will you please let go of me, Mademoiselle?"

She did, though with great reluctance, and he began to surreptitiously massage some life back into his hand, wondering if he would ever be able to play the piano again. Now that he had detached himself from these… these _lunatics_… all he had to do was get them out of the lair.

"Listen," Rikku said, taking a step forward. "If you don't come with us, there's going to be a lot of trouble… not from us… but trust me, there's going to be trouble."

"And why should I believe that?"

The three Agents looked at each other. They had been told to convince Erik to come along using any means necessary, but it wasn't turning out the way they had planned (not that they had done too much planning beyond actually getting down to the lair and smothering him with their obsessive love). If they explained the situation to him in detail, then… well, he already thought they were insane, but it wouldn't help them any.

"Please," Penguin said as coaxingly as possible. "We really need your help."

"And I'm flattered, really," Erik lied, taking a step back. "But you… have caught me at an inconvenient time. I have other matters, more important matters, to attend to."

"You mean Christine?" Yami snorted. "Oh, don't worry about the little tart, she'll be fine."

"We can bring you back before she wakes up," Rikku reassured him.

"Nevertheless," he went on, unsure of why his love had just been referred to as a pie, "I am not going anywhere. And I'll thank you all for leaving my home this instant, and forgetting you were ever here." And with that he turned his back on them (a dangerous thing for any Phantom incarnation to do in the presence of PHANs) and began to walk away towards the organ. He noted thankfully that his sword was leaning up against it, and kept his wits about him, still wary of the three girls, who had now gone into a little huddle.

"What are we going to do now?" Penguin asked in a whisper.

"We have to get him out of here somehow."

"You think we could take him?"

There was a pause as they all looked over towards the well-built man standing by the organ. They did outnumber him, but it would take a lot of effort to drag him all the way back up to the time machine if he wasn't willing to come. Still… they weren't being given much choice at the moment.

Maybe they could blackmail him into it though…

There was further hushed whispers, and then silence. Erik immediately tensed up, prepared for the attack. He counted slowly under his breath and then, grabbing the sword, spun around as quick as a cat.

And stopped.

There was no one behind him.

He stood there, baffled, wondering where in hell those lunatic girls could have gone. It was then that he heard the giggles coming from… the bedroom? He was about to step forward and find out what was going on (and protect Christine if necessary), when one of the girls skipped out and waved something at him. At first he thought it was just a very large, very long white handkerchief. And then he realised…

"Naughty Phantom!" Penguin crowed triumphantly. "What's Christine going to think when she wakes up and find her stocking missing?"

"How dare you!"

"And the other one too!" Yami squealed, flourishing the other. "What's she going to think?"

"Pervert! Pervert! The Phantom is a pervert!" chanted Rikku.

Erik, outraged (and panicking over the idea that Christine Would think it was him), gave a yell of fury and charged at Penguin, who was closest to him. But she danced out of his way, using the stocking like a matador's cape.

"Close… but no stocking," she giggled.

He charged again, and still she evaded him. He tried going for Yami, but failed twice before resorting to desperate measures. Gripping his sword, he managed to strategically work Yami into a corner of the lair, and held her there with the point of his sword. Her humour faded instantly. The plan to lure him out of the lair seemed to have backfired.

"Give that to me!" he shouted.

"Woah… we were only playing…"

"GIVE IT TO ME!"

And right on cue, 'it' was given to him, 'it' in this case meaning a very heavy candlestick, delivered by Rikku directly to the back of his head. He stood there for a moment, shocked, and then folded up into a little heap. Rikku lowered the candlestick, a little horrified with herself. Her fellow Agents stared at her.

"You killed him!" Yami whimpered.

Thankfully, after a (very) thorough examination, it was found he was not dead, just unconscious. Rikku felt a little upset with herself for delivering the blow but, as the others pointed out, it made things a little bit easier for them.

Only a little, however, since they now had to haul Erik's limp body all the way back up and through the Opera house. And he was definitely NOT light.

"Kind of makes you wish he was more like the Leroux version," Penguin panted as they carried him along.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, skeleton people weigh less, don't they?"

"Erik wasn't a skeleton!"

"Oh, he was close enough."

"Don't be so cruel!"

"What do you mean? It was a part of his physical description!"

"But you don't have to rub it in."

It will be noted, just for the record, that they forgot to return Christine's stockings.

* * *

In the meantime, back at HQ, The Organiser was beating her brains out about what to do. Actually, to be more accurate, she was beating her secretary's brains out. She'd just come out of a rather difficult board meeting. It hadn't gone well.

"Excuse me, boss? There's an urgent phone call for you on line one."

The Organiser let go of her secretary (who didn't waste any time in making a swift escape), and picked up the phone. Pressing the button, she cleared her throat.

"Hello?"

"Good evening."

Her breath hitched a little in her throat. The voice was very distinct… because it sounded exactly like the voice on the Scream movies.

"How are things?"

"Aren't you meant to ask me what my favourite scary movie is?"

The voice at the other end faltered for a moment, then seemed to grasp her meaning and get back on track. "Do not mock us," it said. "We have something very important to you. If you want to remember your precious Phantom then you'd best stay on our good side."

"What have you done to him?"

"Oh nothing… he's perfectly fine."

"What reassurances can I have of that?"

"Perhaps the fact that you still remember who he is," said the voice at the other end.

"I want to speak to him."

"Don't you all?"

"I want to know he's unharmed!"

There was an exaggerated sigh at the other end of the phone, followed by some plaintive moans. It took the Organiser a few minutes to remember that it was actually Original Erik making these sounds. He was prone to this kind display.

"Erik?"

There was another moan.

"Erik, for god's sake, do something other than moan!"

There was a sigh.

"_Say_ something!"

There was a pause, until finally she heard a slightly indistinct voice say: "Who… is this?" It was certainly Erik. No one in the world could sound so beautiful when they were miserable. He also spoke with a slight French accent, but we all know what a smarty-pants he is, hence the fact he can understand and speak English.

"Erik, you don't know me, but I'm a friend. Look… I'm so sorry for what's happened for you and…" She paused and looked around. She had an audience. Just about every Agent who had been close enough to hear her had crowded in, and the others were being drawn to the commotion. There was a hush… at least they appreciated the seriousness of the situation. "… we're doing everything we can," she went on. "We'll get you out of this, I promise."

There was another sigh, and then, to her annoyance, the other voice returned to the phone.

"You see? Perfectly fine."

"Hardly," she snarled angrily. "He sounds miserable."

"Doesn't he always?"

"That is _not_ the point!"

"Well, if you wish for things to change for the better, you had best get a move on. Your progress is disappointing so far."

"Wait a sec! How do you – "

But before she could get the questions out, there was a click from the other end. They had hung up. She replaced the phone, and folded her arms over her chest, thinking. After a few moments, she realised the other Agents were still watching her.

"What are you looking at! Get back to work!"

There was a general scuffle as people rushed back to desk, and the Organiser watched them. It disturbed her… if the CRITICS knew about their progress (or lack thereof) then that could mean only one thing – there was a spy somewhere. Damn things… if it were up to her she'd have them all strung up by the ankles and boiled in a vat of golden syrup. She'd have to be more careful about who was trusted around here…

There was a scream. Everyone looked up in absolute shock, wondering who could possibly have died. Then, one of the PHANs rushed into the room, her expression one of utter joy and excitement.

"They got him! He's here! Gerry Butler Phantom is here!"

This announcement was followed by a scene that can be compared only to a herd of stampeding wildebeest on the plains of the Serengeti. Either that or some kind of riot. People leapt over chairs, desks and other people in order to get to the lab, where the team of Agents had just brought back the unconscious Phantom. Only a few Agents, who had been less than impressed by his version of the character, remained behind as the hurricane that was the PHAN girls passed by.

"That's one, at least," The Organiser said.

"We're ready to dispatch the next team!" said her secretary, handing her a piece of paper.

"The Susan Kay team?" The secretary nodded. "Right… send them in straight away. Tell them we don't have much time… it'll be easiest if they just go back to when Erik was a baby and picked him up then."

"Oh, yes," the secretary said, although her look clearly indicated her disappointment.

Noticing it, the organiser gave an exasperated sigh. "Yes, I know… we'd all like the full grown version, but we just don't have the time. They are NOT to go traipsing through his life story, got it? Tell them it's a direct order… they'd never disobey a direct order."

"Of course not..." said the secretary, who as she walked away, realised that, when it came to Phantom Phans, everyone, even her boss, had the potential to be incredibly (and stupidly) trusting.

* * *

There you have it! One Erik obtained! I'm having lots of fun writing this... just a few quick replies to people:

**Yami396**: It was a lucky guess... partly inspired by the fact I'VE watched it serveral times too! (And yes, you do rock... I loved writing the mirror bit).

**Rikku Ree:** You're way ahead of me! hehe. And I give you full credit for the spy idea (although it's not me, I swear!).

Erm... everyone who asked to join a specific team... if I don't tell you otherwise then you can safely assume that you'll be on your requested mission. I'll let people know if places are full... but there'll still be a chance you can get involved if you're happy to go after a different Erik.

Keep the reviews coming! You know I love them. Next time... it's Susan Kay Erik!


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